Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
