It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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