what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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