She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
operation harelip BJ is a go
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
