you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize