She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
