honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
