chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
