Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
