Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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