i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
