I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
zippers are such a cool invention
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
