you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
