i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
