if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
