we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
