I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
