Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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