I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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