I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
