i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
