The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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