I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
