i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
