Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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