remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
