dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
