Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
