your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
