He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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