so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I want to be your penis for a week.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
