Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
