I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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