Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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