These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
