So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You were trust falling into bushes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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