sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
