We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
