the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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