Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
