That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
