I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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