i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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