Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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