If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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