My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
