conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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