Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
