the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
