Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
