I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
