I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize