Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
