dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
