Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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