Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
