Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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