Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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