I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
