she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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