is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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