her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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