Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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