she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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