ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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