So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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