how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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