I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
