I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
pray to the hookup gods
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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