I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize