8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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