Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
