Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
