It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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