then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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