Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
