i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
