Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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