Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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