Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
